Cafe 42 Blog

On Medicine Today

by jcafesin, posted in civil rights, politics

Got Covid again last month. Second time, close to a year after my first go-round with it. I’m fully vaxed. Workout 5 miles a day, 5 days a week. No underlying medical conditions. Low-risk age group.

I got Covid the first time at a karaoke bar when the person sitting next to me literally spit in my mouth. Not purposefully. She was singing with the tone deaf performer, along with most of the bar. It lasted 5 days. I had the typical symptoms and I thought it was done, but 4 weeks after I tested negative, I ended up with a vitreous detachment in my right eye. Two weeks after that, I was in the hospital with vertigo.

My husband took me to Emergency, and after throwing up in the empty waiting room for 20 minutes we followed a nurse into a small glass enclosure. She instructed me to get into the bed while she asked me questions I could barely answer, entered my information into her iPad, and left. The doctor came in 30 minutes later and asked the exact same questions as the nurse. The doctor instructed the nurse what medication to give me intravenously, and what prescriptions I should pick up on my way home, then left. I did not see him again, and was released from the hospital half-hour later.

I was at the hospital for about two and a half hrs, 20 minutes of which I spent in the waiting room, and another 30 waiting for the doctor. Besides the nurse, the only other person who came into the enclosure was a woman collecting $350, credit cards accepted into her handheld payment device. I received a saline solution for hydration, and Metoclopramide to curb the nausea, (though by the time it was administered, my nausea had passed). Oh, and I saw the doctor for less than 5 minutes.

The hospital bill for my Emergency visit was over $3,500. I personally paid out-of-pocket close to $1,200, though I am fully insured and pay $700+ monthly for Blue Shield medical insurance.

Getting the picture why I was scared out of my mind of having Covid again?

Beyond the damage to my health the virus was undoubtedly doing, how much was this second round of Covid going to cost me in downtime and money?

I’d heard of Paxlovid from their constant TV commercials. Pfizer, and their like seem to sponsor most network news these days. “If taken within 5 days of symptoms, Paxlovid reduces severe Covid symptoms in high-risk patients by 86%,” the authoritative male voice-over proclaimed. The ad closed with a quick list of all the reported side effects, including, but not limited to death.

The commercial ran through my head as I lay awake with body aches and sweats. Four days into suffering from this new round of Covid, I asked my husband to call the doctor I’d seen only once, the previous year, for my Long Covid symptoms, and get a prescription for Paxlovid. A part of me didn’t think the doctor could legally prescribe the drug since I don’t exactly fit the ‘high-risk’ profile. The on-call doctor who I’ve never met prescribed me Paxlovid, assuring my husband it was the best course of action to shut down the virus and minimize the risk of another round with Long Covid.

Promises. Promises.

During the time DH was procuring the Paxlovid from our local pharmacy, I searched the internet for data from studies on the drug. The first 5 pages of Google returns were from Pfizer and other Big Pharma corps. Big Pharma pays Google billions annually to advertise their offerings, so of course, Google’s top search results are from their highest paying clients. Google’s returns also included a range of ‘medical’ websites, like WebMD, CVS.com, and Medical News Today, supported by pharmaceutical giants through affiliate marketing. Nine out of ten medical sites pulled their content from Pfizer’s website, all proclaiming the wonders of Paxlovid.

Feverish and exhausted, I searched for FACTS. I started crying reading all the lies from Pfizer, and every other site Google returned, all of them dismissing the complaints from people on Reddit or other discussion forums about their horrible reactions to Paxlovid. Pfizer, and therefore every site that got their content from Pfizer, were all spreading PR lies claiming there was no proof the ill effects reported from taking Paxlovid were related to their drug.

Frustrated and desperate to get the TRUTH, I called the doctor who’d given me the prescription. Talking to him was on par with reading Pfizer’s website — he literally quoted their PR, told me everything I’d read already. When I questioned him about, well, anything negative I’d read in my research, he told me, “Don’t get on the internet and look this stuff up. All it’ll do is scare you.” He went on to instruct me to take the Paxlovid for the next 5 days as prescribed, and I’d be fine. “You may get a slight metallic taste in your mouth, but that’s about it, and that hardly happens to anyone, like 3%.” This was a direct quote from Pfizer I’d read many times in my research. My doctor was repeating to me the same bullshit that the sexy, busty, bubble-headed female Pfizer rep sold to him about Paxlovid.

I had almost every side effect, other than dying, (though some moments I wished I would) from taking Paxlovid. The metallic taste in my mouth was so severe it made me sicker than Covid. I could barely eat. It made me dizzy, and nauseous. I had trouble sleeping while on it. But worse, I got Covid again, a third time, 2 weeks after I had a negative test. And Pfizer KNEW I WOULD. They call it “Rebound” cases, and if you look on Reddit, you’ll find MOST WHO TOOK PAXLOVID GOT A REBOUND CASE — meaning they tested positive for Covid again, weeks after they thought it was over. Without Paxlovid, I got over my first round of Covid in 5 days. It took me almost a month to clear my system of the virus on Paxlovid.

Until Covid, I’d been in the hospital 3 times in my life. I wiped out on my bike and screwed up my knee at 23. I ended up at a Public hospital without insurance at the time (staffed by young intern doctors and training nurses relatively clueless about medicine beyond gunshot wounds and ODs). The other two were to birth my kids.

What these recent experiences have taught me:

  • Google returns and promotes LIES. Google is the ONE (and only) SOURCE MOST USED to get their information.
  • Doctors LIE. They are clueless about most new pharms they prescribe. They simply repeat what these pretty young women are selling them, accepting ‘gifts’ of cash and vacation perks; or maybe they’ll check out the link Pfizer sent them about their new ‘targeted’ cure for Covid.
  • Big Pharma LIES. They consistently over-promise and under deliver. They steal from consumers because our govt lets them. Hundreds of billions of our tax dollars go to fund Pfizer and their like. They should be GIVING AWAY THESE DRUGS because U.S. citizens have PAID FOR THEM WITH OUR TAXES. Yet, they charge us fortunes while making themselves billions annually.
  • Our medical system is BROKEN. Medical debt is the #1 reason for bankruptcy in this country. Money for medicine DOES NOT WORK for anyone other than the wealthy, and the U.S. congress, and our elected officials.

What to do with these FACTS?

  1. Get your information from MANY SOURCES, not just Google!
  2. Don’t blindly believe your doctors, as they choose to remain ignorant to the fact that 74% of the 50 new drugs approved by the FDA in 2022 had little proof they actually worked. Research! Reddit. Discord. DuckDuckGo. Bing. White papers, valid medical studies (called Abstracts)…etc.
  3. VOTE BLUE, as Republicans want to take away Medicare, Medicaid, and most social services. They believe in “Trickle Down Economics” which has created more oligarchs than any other socioeconomic practice — loosening regulations and providing tax ‘incentives’ for corporations and individuals with high incomes. Democrats, though not much better as they are still slaves to Corporate America’s lobbyists, at least have an eye out for the middle class in this country. They support more social services, like the Affordable Care Act (‘Obamacare’), mental and reproductive healthcare, Medicaid and Medicare, and lower prescription drug costs. In 2024, close to 69% of the world’s population has some form of Universal Healthcare, while the U.S. still does not. UHC is not socialism. Access to quality medical care regardless of income should be a Civil Right. Let’s do better — serve the many, not just the few! VOTE BLUE.

    An Inconvenient Truth About Men and Women

    by jcafesin, posted in Uncategorized

    “You are so beautiful, my baby. Once you slim down boys will notice and you’ll get as many dates as you want,” my mother promised me in her kitchen when I was 16, her response to my crying to her how lonely I felt with no one asking me out. “I guarantee you, you’ll have your pick of boys if you just lose weight.” She assured me that afternoon that thin was in, and if I wanted to be I would have to capitulate to the social standards of Los Angeles in the late 20th century.

    I mistakenly believed her that day.

    Indeed, heroin thin was in in the 60s — 90s, when actresses like Audrey Hepburn and supermodels like Twiggy were the iconic images of feminine beauty. And thin still is in, even today. Especially in L.A. In fact, thin as a beauty standard goes back to the ancient Greeks, with marble statues of athletic but slender women. (Plump [not fat] was in for a very elite group and only for a short while in history as a display of wealth, in contrast to most of the starving population.)

    Weeks after my mother’s guarantee I’d be popular and have all the dates I wanted with my pick of boys if I got thin, I was in the high school gym and a senior was giving out Black Beauties with promises it was a miracle drug for weight loss. She got the little black capsules from her mother’s medicine cabinet and was hoping the girls she turned on to the amphetamine would pay for more. She turned out to be right.

    Took me about 6 months, on Beauties almost daily, until I lost the extra weight I’d carried since early childhood. I got pretty my senior year in high school. I was socially acceptably thin. My mother was so proud. I’d come into the kitchen in the afternoons after school and she’d gush over how ‘shapely’ I looked in those jeans or that cami or fitted T. She was clueless I was on pharms, stolen from a classmate’s mother.

    Boys at school, men at my work, and when I was out and about started to notice me. And for a bit, it felt empowering finally being an object of desire. Flirting was fun on campus, especially with boys who’d ignored me before. And to my mother’s point, I did get asked out occasionally.

    Even pudgy, I’d not considered dating high school boys since the 9th grade. Male puberty had most all of them thinking through their ‘little head’ 24/7, and I wanted so much more than being another notch on some teen boy’s bedpost. Grown men were more mature, I assured myself.

    Turns out, most are not.

    Not then. Not now.

    Being objectified for my body got old quick. The more dates I had, the more I realized the ‘men’ had asked me out for one reason only — to get laid. During most ‘dates,’ I basically had to interview the guys as they never asked me anything, or even turned my questions around. It was all about them all the time. After the date, they expected to come back to my place, or go to theirs and fuck. ‘Make love.’ ‘Get intimate.’ These colloquialisms are lies. There is nothing ‘intimate’ about fucking a stranger. And to achieve our highest attainment — love — requires more like hundreds of dates.

    By the time I turned 30 the canonical line among most single working women I knew or met was: “Men want a mother in the form of a whore.” And for the most part, I had to agree. It seemed most heterosexual men I went out with, or even ended up dating a while ultimately wanted a woman who would listen to them, admire them, adore them, and have sex at their will. They had little to no interest in my mind — what I thought about or what mattered to me. And none had any interest in learning from me, but were always happy to spout their knowledge and wisdom.

    From fourteen till I married at 37, I literally dated hundreds of men, so my sample size is not tiny, especially if you add in the thousands of women I’ve listened to over the years recounting their dating history. And quite frankly, their marriages haven’t turned out much different.

    I get it. I do. Men have been on top of the social order from our beginnings. Might equals right, so men made the rules, wrote the bibles, set up the laws, and subjugated women because, well, they could (and still do with the 6 male members of our Supreme Court). Move forward from bringing home the mastodon to bringing home a salary — men have also been burdened with being the providers, so I understand why most men felt it was their God-given right to rule the roost they provided for.

    The problem is, the world I grew up in is changing, while most men are not. Women were given equal rights under the law with The Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) in 1972, but we were not, and are still not seen as social equals to men. Back in the 80s, if we worked, which most of us did by then, we were teachers, nurses, admin, therapists, or careers in the Arts, as was mine as a graphic designer. I, personally, made half the salary of the man in the cubical next to me. And even today, women make roughly 22% less than men doing the exact same job. And even worse, a quarter of the way into this new millennium, my 22 yr old daughter, and most all of her girlfriends still have the exact same issues with men I did when I was single.

    At her college graduation in June, my beautiful baby bemoaned the fact that she didn’t have a boyfriend like most of her girlfriends had acquired during their years on campus.

    “Do you like Del’s boyfriend?” I asked her.

    “No. He’s a dick. He doesn’t listen to a word she says. All he wants her for is free sex.”

    “What do you think of Jenny’s guy?”

    “OMG. He’s so cringe! He spends more time with his guy friends than her, except when he comes over drunk to get laid.”

    “And what about Nik’s boyfriend? She’s been dating him since her Sophomore year.”

    “He’s Muslim, so he doesn’t want sex before marriage, though they do everything else. But he treats her like a possession — at his beck and call, and he’s all over her in public to make sure everyone knows she’s his.”

    Like her female peers, my daughter dated guys she met on campus and online throughout her college years. None worked out beyond the first date, and most never even made it that far. A few text exchanges made it clear the guy was looking for a hookup. My daughter is not. Nor does she want to model her friends “just to have a boyfriend.”

    “I’m a social pariah since I haven’t had sex yet, Mom,” my daughter assured me at her graduation dinner. “But I want so much more than what my friends have settled for.”

    Ah, from the mouths of babes…

    Dating, in a short or long-term relationship, or married, most women I know or have met along the way seemingly want more from most men than they’re getting. As men are no longer the sole provider for most households, some women, like my daughter, (and 60+ yr old wives driving the current divorce rate) are demanding more. Sadly, so many of her peers are still role-modeling ancient times to the early 1970s when there was no such thing as equal rights, accepting selfish, disrespectful behavior from their boyfriends so they can be in — show their peers to their parents that they are socially acceptably desired. Women are groomed from birth to be physically desirable.

    Equal rights does not stop at equal pay. Money is not the end all that will move society to treat each other equitably. Truth is, it really is up to women to create a more equitable society.

    1. Women must learn to value our minds over our physicality.
    2. Women want equality — to get paid the same in the workplace, and treated equally in public and private relationships. WE want the change, not men who’ve sat on top of the social order for eons. Women have to create the change we want, beginning with our self-perception. We have to fight to be heard and recognized for our knowledge and achievements. We must demand compromise instead of simply giving [in]. It’s hard to do for most of us, often impossible for many women to put self before others. Women are groomed from birth to be maternal.
    3. Even today, most of childhood parenting is still done by the mom. Let’s teach our daughters, and even our sons out of the womb that humanity is one race, and we are better when we work together. Mom and Dad, reject the gender hierarchy established at the dawn of the human race that has been playing out through the generations like a genetic disease. Teach our kids to respect, consider, and communicate with each other regardless of race, age, or gender. Then perhaps our daughter’s daughter’s daughter will never know the oh so very lonely chasm inherent in the gender divide of yesteryear and today. Instead, our great-great-great-grandchildren will get to experience the deep intimate connection that can only be achieved with true equality.

    FFTZ 2.0, Now in PRINT

    by jcafesin, posted in Authors, avid readers, BLACK MIRROR, Contemporary Fiction, ebook, education, Family, Fantasy, Fantasy Series, Fractured Fairytales, gamers, gaming, indie authors, Indie-Press, Los Angeles, Magic, parenting, psychological thriller, psychology, puppies, raising kids, relationships, Romance, Romantic Read, Romantic Suspense, science fiction, thriller, Twilight Zone, Women's Fiction, Women's Fiction

    Fractured Fairy Tales of the Twilight Zone now in PRINT!
    https://www.amazon.com/dp/1732543143

    Contemporary Fantasy and Modern Romance with lessons for life…

    Believing is NOT Thinking

    by jcafesin, posted in Uncategorized

    My father is a fervent Republican. My mother was a Democrat. I once saw him put his fist through the maple cabinet an inch from my mother’s head because her vote was going to cancel his in the second Reagan election. Though he never hit her, connected anyway, he often shouted, slammed things, threw things, even at me, when he encountered resistance (reason) when espousing his conservative views.

    My father doesn’t believe Global Warming is real or caused by us in any way (absolving himself of conserving resources).

    My father believes all non-believers — atheists and agnostics — are dangerous fools to be converted.

    My father distrusts all Muslims.

    My father believes in trickle-down economics, though it’s been proven again and again it makes the rich richer while wiping out the middle class.

    My father doesn’t believe in gun control. “If they come for me, I’ll stop them at the door.” He quotes the NRA with fervor! “Take away what kind of guns we get to own, and you chip away at the foundation of the 2nd Amendment,” he preaches.

    I remind him he can’t stop a tank with an AK-47. I implore him to examine history, and context, that the right to bear arms our forefathers were talking about were pistols and shotguns that took three minutes to load and didn’t fire straight or would blow up in your face. Automatic assault weapons were neither considered, nor anticipated when the 2nd Amendment was written.

    He scoffs. As his daughter, and a woman, I am clueless.

    As a mother of two amazing, spectacular children, I am horrified, not only by mass shootings on school campuses, but everywhere else, every time an assault weapon is used against our own because the NRA wants to stay rich. And our government officials, Republican senators in particular, ostensibly “by the people, for the people,” are paid off by gun lobbyists to let them.

    I grew up in L.A., on the Valley side of the Hollywood Hills. I went to school with writers, producers, directors’ kids, all fairly to extremely liberal. My father was the outlier in our neighborhood and among my parents’ colleagues and friends. The Great Divide between the Republicans and Democrats, fueled by Reagan pushing religion, conservatism, then ignited by Bush Jr’s Christian administration, and then concertized in lies, ignorance, and hate by Trump, didn’t exist yet. My parents lived together in relative peace, except around election times.

    We have become a polarized nation, and this serves no one here. On the personal level, it has divided me from my family. My siblings, like my father, are fervent Republicans. My sister, disgusted we’re raising our kids without religion, decided she’d had enough of my liberal leanings and checked out of our lives entirely, leaving our kids deeply hurt their aunt had abandoned them. My brother used to forward me emails from his Born-Again community that Obama was a Jew-hating Muslim who believed it’s okay to kill babies. During Trump’s reign, he spoke of the evil liberals who supported abortion and insisted the rights of a fetus eclipsed those of the mother. My brother’s ignorance is only eclipsed by his blind faith in his Christian leaders’ conservative rhetoric.

    The chasm in our morality and our philosophies is so diametrically opposed at this point that the rare times I talk with my father our dialog quickly sours, then invariably turns contentious. I’ve told him time and again I won’t discuss politics with him, but he insists on little digs, like, “Do you care about your kids?” He has not spoken with our children, his grandkids, in 7 years, or acknowledged them in any way, not birthdays, no calls, ever, and virtually never inquirers about them when I call him, which I always do because he doesn’t call me.

    Truth is, it’s getting harder and harder to call him. Almost two decades after my mom’s death, my father is undaunted by age or illness in his quest to spread conservative lies. He’s a true believer (as are most hard-core Republicans) because believing is easier than thinking. Being told what is right and wrong, good or bad, is simpler than considering the complexities of our behavior, and our obligations to each other and the world we inhabit.

    My remaining family believes women should not have the right of choice with our own bodies.

    My father and siblings believe gays should not have the legal, nor moral right to marry. They believe homosexuality is a mental illness.

    My family espouses they believe in “less government” — preaching the Republican’s canonical tagline — but want to govern (restrict) women’s choice and limit our birth control resources; control who gets to marry; limit medical treatment to those who can afford care; allow corporations to buy politicians that allow the mass murder of our children and citizens for corporate profit. They’d prefer to believe the GOP rhetoric that Global Warming isn’t happening and support the ‘rights’ of Big Oil to drill and frack our planet to death, instead of investing in renewable energy for our kids, and the welfare of Earth forward.

    I’ve been wondering when it’s time to say goodbye to family, even before they die. I’ve been grieving my sister’s departure from our lives since her exit 15 yrs ago. The little connection I retain with my brother and father seems… over. My kids have no relationship with either. We have virtually no common ground and share little time that doesn’t quickly turn combative. So really, what’s the point of trying to stay in touch? Harsh? You bet. Ugly? Yeah. I’m profoundly saddened that we’ve come to this impasse. Hurts. A lot, knowing almost half our nation feels as my family does. And I am mystified, disgusted, and shamed by their gullibility in choosing blind faith over thought and reason.

    We are again on the precipice of our survival as one nation, but this time the war isn’t with rifles that blow up in our faces when shot at the ‘enemy.’ Now, we must recognize the enemy is ourselves — choosing ignorance over reason because it’s easier to binge-watch Netflix, peruse Instagram, or stream gameplay on Twitch than it is to think.

    My daughter, a recent college grad, told me most of her friends off and online — this new round of young voters — will not be voting this election. They’re taking a stand, showing how they feel about our government, they claim, neglecting to understand without voting they are essentially voting in Trump. They say they’re disheartened by their choice between a great-grandfather and a misogynist (who they don’t say is just 3 yrs younger than Biden.) They focus on our current president’s age because their feeds on Insta, Facebook, Reddit [and their like] tell them to — flooded with GOP marketing to sway young voters Biden is too old for another term. They get their information from social media and blindly believe their feeds, not knowing, or even caring that what they are scrolling through is personally targeted at them, and designed to manipulate them to buy, try, subscribe, and believe in snake oil.

    The chasm between us will continue to grow with more believers buying into the derisive rhetoric of their religious leaders, politicians, Google’s search results, and ‘personalized’ marketing on social platforms and apps. More families are finding themselves on opposite sides of an ideological divide that will likely tear them apart, like mine, unless we STOP believing and start thinking what is right, not only for ourselves and our family, but broader, more complex considerations that include finding and creating ways to help our neighbors, community, this country, and our planet thrive.

    The Fallacy of Palestinian Protests

    by jcafesin, posted in Uncategorized

    My daughter, a college senior, told me yesterday that she joined the Palestinian protest on campus.

    “I believe that genocide is wrong, Mom. So, I stood up for what I believe.”

    I think she expected me to be proud of her, but her words made my skin crawl. My daughter knows nothing of the history of either country. She has no idea why there is a war between Israel and Palestine now, how the war even started, or why Israel is bombing the Gaza Strip. In fact, she has no idea where the Gaza Strip is, or why it is there, or who their govt is.

    I raised my kids to stand up and speak out when they encounter racism, sexism, ignorance, hate. I did not teach them to blithely go along with the crowd. That’s how Nazis came about.

    Do you know that Hamas, the government of Gaza, launched an unprovoked attack on Israel, killed over 1,200 people, and kidnapped 253 in October of last year?

    No.

    And did you know Hamas was raping 12–48 yr old girls and women they kidnapped, then posting it online to terrorize victim’s loved ones?

    I haven’t heard that. All I heard was Israel was bombing civilians in Palestine and killing mostly women and children.

    Do you know that the government the Palestinian people voted in are using their women and children as cover for their terrorist shit, and that is why they were getting killed in Israeli bombings?

    No. But it doesn’t make it right that Israel is killing kids.

    No. It doesn’t. I didn’t say Israel is right. There is no right here, baby. Both sides are wrong. I’m not pro-Israel. They know that Hamas is sacrificing Palestinian children, yet instead of targeted strikes against Hamas, they are wielding an iron fist. Badly. Ugly. For sure. 100%.

    So, what’s wrong with me joining the protest then, when even you don’t believe Israel is right? she asked me, exasperated.

    My beautiful daughter, siding with one side or the other is divisive in the extreme. It perpetuates the problems there, and creates more here, between us. Call out bad behavior, like Israel knowingly killing civilians regardless of their reasons. Or Palestinians voting in a fanatical religious government with an agenda to kill all Israelis. Neither is right. Call out bad behavior, not an entire nation. Do not get on the PC train because your friends are and you wanta fit in. Do the research before taking a stand. Blind faith means turning off your brain. And that is never OK.

    So you think I shouldn’t have joined the protest?

    Do you know professional agitators are targeting campuses like yours to get all you kids riled up? And that most of these protests wouldn’t even be happening if not for the pro-agitators who are paid big bucks to get online and throw a protest.

    I thought they were all student here. Who would pay someone to do that?

    I don’t know. But right now I’m betting on the Republican party. They want to destabilize our nation because the more chaotic the better Trump’s chances of winning the election.

    Seriously? she asked, aghast, as she feels like I do about our misogynist x-pres.

    I don’t know, honey. What I do know is ninety-nine point nine nine nine…etc. percent of these college protesters have no clue about what is going on over there, just like you don’t. They catch news bites online, and the bloodier the bites the more eyeballs they get. The news just loves a great car crash!

    Standing up for ONE SIDE when you don’t know the history, the region, the people, the conflicts that have been there since the UN decided Israel’s borders, the wars, how they started, or why they started is, well, ignorant. So you were out there with a bunch of ignorant students who are creating more conflict, more hate, more antisemitism with their protest. And it won’t change a thing because the universities will not cut all ties with Israel. Ever. Israel is a collaborative partner in research and development of medicine to tech, the primary function of any university. With all this in mind, do YOU think you should have been out there protesting?

    The energy was so electric with all those people, Mom. It sure felt like we were doing something meaningful.

    Promoting ignorance and hate is never meaningful, baby. Don’t just go along with the crowd and create more conflict like these protests do. Making a real difference takes work, honey. Lots of work, over a long time. Think, research, a LOT, since so much of the internet is lies. Then form your own opinion, and act to be part of the solution.

    On Fitting In

    by jcafesin, posted in Uncategorized

    Ever been with a group of people, you may, or may not know, and everyone is talking amicably, (or on their cellphones), and you’re sitting there watching and listening, and you feel like an alien? Not a foreign national among a group of natives. More like you’re from another planet. Or they are.

    I’ve known I was different for most of my life, always on the outside looking in at the world I live in, but don’t understand. But beyond theology like my atheism, there are actual, real differences that separate me from most.

    1. I don’t drink alcohol. Can’t stand the taste of the stuff. Wine. Beer. Hard liquor. BLA! Even rum wrecks some would-be-great desserts, like tiramisu. Virtually the first thing that happens at any gathering is the ritual serving of the drinks. I always refuse, which immediately raises suspicions that I’m either a friend of Bill W, or on some fad diet, or a hippy-vegan. The first brick in the wall between me and the group.
    2. I have no internet connection on my cellphone. I don’t carry my phone with me most of the time and often forget where I leave it. I do not look at my phone except to make a call or send a text, which I do rarely, especially when I’m with other people. I follow no one on social media intentionally (as X automatically follows back anyone who follows you). I don’t read most posts, and I don’t know what is trending online.
    3. I don’t watch TV. Too much of a time kill. I average three movies in the theater a year. I don’t watch, or follow sports. Any. Ever. I don’t know the latest shows, any of the actors, or what rock star is hot on YouTube. I must have some mental disorder because people who play no active role in my life just don’t register with me.
    4. As a woman, with other women, I feel particularly off-planet. I have no interest in discussing my kids for the most part. I’m with my kids a LOT. I don’t want it all about them when I’m not. I don’t care about sales or shoes. I dress for comfort, prefer my old, soft, often ripped clothes to new. I never wear makeup. I don’t even carry a purse. The diamond studs in my ears have been there for 30 yrs. I wear no other jewelry. I don’t have a lot, and I don’t want a lot, of things.
    5. I am an atheist, in faith-based (mostly Christian) America. I don’t belong to the neighborhood church, or celebrate any religious holidays, or get how seemingly reasonable people can believe in myths and fairytales at this stage in human development.
    6. I want to discuss the issues of the day, without being politically correct, or woke, and with virtually nothing held sacred — an open forum of communication and healthy debate. But it seems every time I bring up global, national, or even local news, I create a void in the group’s dialog, this vortex of weighted silence. Either no one seems to have heard of what I’m talking about, or they have no opinion, or they’re too afraid to state it.

    The bitch is, I want to fit in, be a part of, integrate as I see others do. Sort of. I just don’t want to DO what most seem to. I don’t wish to remain ignorant about global and local issues so not to disrupt my personal bliss. I couldn’t care less about celebs and influencers. And while I like playing racquetball, I’ve no interest in watching someone else play sports. Pro athletes work towards excellence 24/7, yet somehow fans take on team victories as their own while they sit on the couch downing beer. I just don’t get it. The ‘little bit of color’ my mother insisted was mandatory to put on my lips and cheeks, make most women who wear makeup look like clowns, or manikins to me. And it’s a rather ironic twist that the media convinces women they need cosmetics to be attractive, especially since it’s a proven cause of cancer, and cancer isn’t pretty.

    Clearly, I am damning myself to the outside looking in. And since it’s unlikely I’ll develop a taste for alcohol anytime soon, or become addicted to my cellphone, I’m unclear how to move forward, to integrate, fit in with the group at the table now on their second or third drink. They’re getting sloppy, and rather loud, and all I want to do is leave.

    So I do. I get in my spaceship (my car) and venture home to my sleeping kids and working husband. He’ll ask me how the Mompreneur’s Meetup went and I’ll say fine, and later I’ll be standing in the shower feeling small and valueless. Friendless.

    The road is empty and dark. Houses are lit inside and look warm and welcoming. Mine will be too, a safe harbor where people ‘get’ me, but I know I isolate there too much. I want friends, to be a part of the world beyond my fam, I just don’t know how to step inside where most seem to live. But truth be told, it’s rather lonely out here.

    The AI in Your Pocket or WHY TO BAN TIKTOK

    by jcafesin, posted in Uncategorized

    I’m on Facebook, whining to my friend about a fight with my husband through their IM.

    In my typical “melodramatic,” (my husband claims, but I call “passionate”) fashion, I’m furiously typing how much of a jerk he is, how often we fight, basically questioning if the sanctity of marriage is sustainable.

    My friend is empathetic. She reminds me that I am always welcome to visit her in Britain, especially if I decide to leave my husband. She’ll help me kick off my newly single life with a bang!

    I have no intention of leaving my husband. I am sounding off, as women so often do to other women, about our marriages. And my friend knows this. She also knows her offer is giving me ground, a place to land. She is kind in the extreme, and I am honored to know her.

    Unfortunately, Facebook is not so kind. They are collecting the IM exchange between me and my friend. Their data science team then runs Natural Language Processing (NLP) and Machine Learning algorithms on our text exchange. They categorize and classify our exchange to ‘improve the engagement and response’ of their advertiser’s campaigns. In marketing speak we call it “Personalized Targeting.” They also sell our data to their advertisers, and you agree to let them do this when you download Facebook to your mobile, or sign up on your PC to engage with their platform.

    In simple terms, personalized targeting means collecting as much data on an individual as possible, then correlating that data with people having the same or similar characteristics and online behavior. With enough data, patterns of our personal behavior emerge. Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok and every other social network, and most every site we visit puts “cookies” on our devices, essentially tracking where we visit and what we do online. And they use that data against us, manipulating us to buy, try, or subscribe to whatever they’re selling through “Recommendation ‘engines,’” aka algorithms.

    RME, right? Another bullshit conspiracy theory.

    What IS bullshit is you not knowing any of this is happening, and even if it is, you believe it does not affect you. Every call, every text, every place you search on the net, everything you buy, all your contacts, and every location you are IRL at any given time is taken from your cellphone. The data collected is used to convince you to buy a product, service, or into an ideology.

    In fact, “Recommendation” is selling us so much more than business offerings. Rec engines are telling us how to think and what to believe. And we don’t consciously know it. En mass, we are buying into too much of what is being sold to us online, aka “fake news.” The Recommendation algorithms behind Google, Facebook, Insta, X, YouTube…etc., are creating a FEEDBACK LOOP, showing you ONLY what you’ve expressed interest in, or someone like you has engaged with — IMed, emailed, searched, clicked, tried, bought or subscribed. You will rarely, if ever now, get a differing point of view, or opinion other than your own when you engage online. The Recommendation Effect is shifting politics — the global resurgence of right-wing nationalism influencing elections, and the precise reason ex-president Trump was elected in 2016, narrowly lost in 2020, and is projected to win in 2024.

    “Collaborative Filtering” is a form of Machine Learning, aka AI, that correlates your characteristics/behavior with people ‘similar’ to you. With enough correlations (data), computers can now see patterns and beliefs of individuals. In other words, if I buy X, and your data correlates with mine, you will likely buy X too. Advertisers use this data to slam you with ads their algorithms ‘think’ that you’ll respond to.

    So, after whining to my friend I’m off Facebook and on to my day. I social media market in the mornings for my books and entrepreneurial workshops before I start my day gig. I go to Instagram. My feed is filled with dating site ads, and many are, “Here is your second chance at love,” type campaigns targeting divorced women, or women considering divorce. Or women having a rough patch in their marriage. The ads keep flashing images of happy couples and my heart sinks a little. Instagram is owned by Facebook, in case you didn’t already know.

    For the next few weeks, many of the text ads in my feed on Gmail are for divorce lawyers in my area. Sure, I’ve considered divorce. Any couple married for 27 yrs likely has. And with my husband and I still at odds, and I’m feeling lonely, and craving intimacy, these ads present an option to staying married to a man that at the moment I’m not getting along with.

    Over the next month or more, usually way more, I get slammed with ads, essentially recommendations for dating sites and divorce lawyers wherever I go online. The more I whine to my friends through IM, even emailing her or others about my marriage, the longer I’ll get slammed with dating and divorce site ads. The idea of dissolving my marriage, once inconceivable which encouraged me to work it out with my husband, is now not only an option but a promising one at that. Beyond just ads, I get recs for articles and blog posts about divorce, and second chances at intimacy, trying to convince me my life would be better if I divorced because ‘the love of my life’ is out there just waiting for me to swipe right.

    Facebook, Google, all of them justify their use of Recommendation with marketing like, “more relevant and enjoyable ad ‘experiences,’ delivering content YOU want.”

    Seriously? I don’t want to divorce, so why is their Rec engine suggesting I should through the ad content they are continuously serving me?

    Simple answer: so their advertisers — the dating sites and divorce lawyers — SELL more.

    Conspiracy theory? Bullshit! The conspiracy is that you don’t know, or even care this is happening to YOU too.

    Machine Learning and Natural Language algorithms are behind most everything we do online now. They are the gun on the table. But Recommendation engines are picking that gun up, targeting us, and pulling the trigger. Quite literally.

    Psychology 101: “Primers” (like the endless dating and easy divorce ads) and “Triggers” (like finding ‘the love of my life’ when I’m feeling lost and alone) are what motivate us to take any action.

    Conspiracy theory, my ass. The Machiavellian effects of Rec engines are real. And it is dangerous — socially irresponsible — to let social media and search platforms continue to collect our data and misuse it for profit.

    AI is NOT the light at the end of the tunnel to circumvent laborious and repetitive tasks. It really is the freight train comin at us…

    Heads up to all you digital marketers out there: SEO based on relevance, link-backs, or even the number of unique hits, is, well, gone for the most part. Returns on Google are now based on Recommendation — what Google’s algorithms ‘think’ you want to see based on your past behavior and the behavior of others similar to yours. Google’s “organic search” returns are also based on how much money they make from any given advertiser. The more they make from, say, Progressive Insurance Corp, the more likely Progressive will be close to #1 in their search returns, regardless of SEO keywords and phrasing.

    Alabama, WTF Happened to Separation of Church and State?

    by jcafesin, posted in atheism, atheists, christianity, christians, conservatives, democrats, global warming, Healthcare

    I am NOT a Christian, and I do NOT believe a human being is an embryo. Yet, Alabama’s Stupid Court quoted RELIGIOUS SCRIPTURE, CHRISTIAN SCRIPTURE to make their decision to place the RIGHTS OF A FETUS ABOVE THE RIGHTS OF THE MOTHER CARRYING THE EMBRYO.

    This is AGAINST OUR 1ST AMENEDMENT!

    How is it that Alabama gets to BREAK THE LAW OF THE U.S. CONSTITUTION? And those same Christian fanatics in their courts, voted in by the people of Alabama, scream 2nd Amendment rights to keep their guns…

    VOTE BLUE and get these RELIGIOUS FANATICS OUT OF OUR GOVT!